Vietnamese parents teach their children – Mistakes and enlightenment
When approaching a part of young parents, I am really bewildered because you have not been able to get out of the thoughts and perspectives of the age when you do not have children and families. Parents keep on hardening the flow of thoughts that are easy to misunderstand but also easily worry, bewildered or also easily resentful, angry, and frustrated in their sensitivity to free will. With such an instinctive expression of parenting, parents accidentally instilled in their children many unstable personalities and ways of thinking, but it seems that because they see the same thing and it doesn’t matter, parents can’t even recognize it. .
There is a mother who is over 35 years old, bringing her two young daughters to her grandmother for advice. The question seemed simple, but I accidentally became a big criminal:
Me: Are you pregnant, what month will you give birth (ask on interest).
Mother: I was born in September.
Me: Then it’s still a few months away, boy? (laugh).
Mother: Say nothing.
After a few questions, I found that the mother’s attitude was very bad in communication but did not pay much attention. The next day at the meeting, I was “criticized” by the counselor that yesterday she told a sister to give birth to a son, and she was very upset saying that she deliberately said she could not have a son. God, I just cried like that, and was shocked because I didn’t expect my funny words to be so heavy on others. I was startled, maybe she was under a lot of pressure from giving birth to a girl, and from that moment I realized that I should learn from experience, never ask such fun questions to people who are all girls. , because unintentionally will cause someone more hurt or pressure.
Having a mother about 30 years old, I said: “Mom, my children can’t play with friends, did you know that? Because I always want to follow my own opinion and often comment and evaluate you guys according to my point of view, right?”.
The mother replied: “Yes, I don’t have a playmate, and I don’t understand what you mean by commenting.”
I explained to my mother, which is why I often criticize my friends like this or that, I often say that you are not right and I am right, I often do not like that my friends dress better than me, I go to school but only find the fault of the teachers. You tell her, I don’t let you play with my things, but I want you to lend me things…
Mother said, “Yes, it is, but how do you know? And it’s the same when I play with my neighbors.”
However, the mother said: “I think you have to have an opinion, at home you always say that your father and my sister is more than me on this matter.”
I agree with the young mother that: “You have to have an opinion, you must know how to give your opinion, but you guide me to observe and give two-way opinions, it will be good for me, if I just give my opinion. If you have a one-way view from your own wishes and requirements, your thinking will be very negative later on, and you will gradually become only able to judge others without seeing your own weaknesses.
Like that I brought up many more problems that my mother was seeing, and she all acknowledged that I had bad expressions, but she thought it was normal and it was okay if I didn’t have a playmate, If you like it, you can play it and if you don’t like it, that’s your right. My mother even talked to me with needless anger. There is no other way, and to avoid “mother’s narcissism is not good”, I also had to stop the conversation with my mother because we may not be compatible in this opinion.
There are a part of other mothers who always acknowledge everything I say with sadness or no emotion, but when they walk out the door, they get angry when they say to the receptionist: “You read correctly about your son. but why are there all the disadvantages, there are no advantages”, or “Yes, but only see the disadvantages, there are only a few advantages” or “The test is boring”, “Acknowledge it is true but read all disadvantages, not seeing any advantages”… Well, sometimes I don’t know what to say and how to do it. Although, before talking, I always tell parents: “Come to me, don’t expect me to be delusional, because my purpose is to see the hidden, hidden corners, or the smallest… but it can affect the overall development of the child” or “Don’t worry too much when you have a weakness, because I’m still young and I’m having to experience right and wrong, grow up, and change. On the other hand, even me and my parents have many weaknesses, let alone children. Just understand that you come here to listen to me so that parents know, refer to the application to help their child develop better, but the application or not is not required, because that is the right of the parents.” Many times when I am too sad, I also share with more mature parents that: “Honestly, a child who is unprincipled, lazy, rebellious, has weak cognitive thinking, complains, demands… then I too helpless because I can’t see where there is an advantage to tell my parents.” Because that’s the right of the parents.” Many times when I am too sad, I also share with more mature parents that: “Honestly, a child who is unprincipled, lazy, rebellious, has weak cognitive thinking, complains, demands… then I too helpless because I can’t see where there is an advantage to tell my parents.” Because that’s the right of the parents.” Many times when I am too sad, I also share with more mature parents that: “Honestly, a child who is unprincipled, lazy, rebellious, has weak cognitive thinking, complains, demands… then I too helpless because I can’t see where there is an advantage to tell my parents.”
However, I am always thoughtful and never get angry, even thank you so much for at least speaking my true thoughts and feelings so that I can also draw more problems. in each person’s mind. I understand it’s not because the parents are mean or unfoundedly conservative, but just because of the confusion, anxiety, and even panic when they bring their children to them and collect a “basket of weaknesses” of their children without knowing it. before… so I didn’t want to, didn’t dare to look at the problem, and had to try to find an advantage or a reason to feel more comfortable. That is normal psychology and emotion of people, especially parents. It’s just a little bit of fun, why don’t we think briefly, “If you’re a human, you don’t have weaknesses, gods sometimes have them too”. On the other hand, Even me or you guys still have a lot of problems because “The school of life can never graduate”, must study and always improve every day until they are gone forever. Therefore, knowing your own or your child’s weaknesses is simply to grow better and be the best.
But that’s a very few that come to me like that, for the most part, parents have realized and are struggling, really panicking in the problems of their children. They are very active and listen, understand and share sincerely. They are also a great source of motivation for me to continue my enthusiasm. A mother exclaimed: “Sister, I am helpless!” or “Sister, I’m really confused!”, or a miserable father says: “To tell you the truth, sometimes my husband and I feel we have to give up because we are so tired!”.
That’s it buddy! Parenting is mostly instinct, no school can teach or do it. If you go to listen to me or others share, you only know how much it can be used, but sometimes it can’t be applied or the application is worse. Modern society, economic development, a more stable life, and the protection of children, taking care of them, taking care of them well… is always present in every family. Unintentionally, but most parents are nurturing in their children a lot of bad personalities with demands, laziness, only dependence, dependence, superficial indifference, poor consciousness, poor responsibility. … These traits in you are innocently developing without even realizing it. You are free to do as you please with little listening, little cooperation… even resistance, letting go of how to achieve your will to the end… no persistence,
However, do children really want that? When I interact with children more and more, with their different personalities, attitudes, thoughts, feelings, psychology, behaviors, etc. I don’t know how to describe or express to describe what I am going through, what parents and children can’t understand, what I myself don’t want but It’s just like that, what I myself is powerless is no different from my parents. I struggled to the point of bewilderment in the pitiful passivity. And because I don’t know, I’m wrong again and again, wrong from one problem to another. Many children who go to middle school and high school are stubborn to their parents, and at first they were also thorny and careless with me, but after a few minutes, she was ready to cry with me like a child in preschool. All invisible pressures are hidden deep, crept in every corner of emotions and psychology to become undesirable attitudes and behaviors that make parents hot-tempered or sad… Just lightly touch one the problem is that the child has sobbed, even some children are afraid to cry in the effort not to make a sound but can’t, then tears still overflow in choking, even I have to cry too .
The same goes for parents, they don’t know if they did it intentionally or unintentionally, and they keep repeating panic and disorientation. I find myself quite persistent and patient with many levels of attitudes, emotions, and psychology of parents in the process of approaching. So in counseling or in sharing programs, I didn’t hesitate to give all I feel, see… with specific examples of what children are like, and how parents are. Fortunately, most of the time, it is agreed that the correct identification is a consolation that we are on the right track for not being superfluous in this living world. But there is a strange thing that everyone says “It is difficult to do, difficult to do because of fear of not having time, because when I go home to take care of the children, eat and drink,
You also know that nowadays, when there are many speakers and experts sharing how to teach their children, parents are also more up to date, so it is very difficult to listen to learn… but is it good to use it or is it good to use it? or not, it depends on the point of view whether it is right, is it necessary and suitable, or are the parents persistent, meticulous, and fierce to the end? So it’s very surprising that, to me, the more parents listen and study, the more confused and confused they become, even more skeptical about the success of their child-rearing methods. There is no denying that there are a few moms who are also very perfectionists and have done it, but usually have to be very meticulous, very flexible… Although, I find the way people often share is very correct and it is not. nothing is too sublime, because always stop at the fact that any parent a few decades ago has also experienced,
That is, you have to do your own thing, you have to learn by yourself, you have to obey, you have to know how to speak well, you have to know how to play and have fun with your friends, at that time no one taught them, by themselves. We have to understand it through our parents’ unsupportiveness and non-protection. Just like that by observing, listening, having to know how to do, doing wrong, you will be reminded and self-corrected. Self-conscious and self-development, if you like learning, you can go to school, if you don’t like studying, stay at home to work, when you’re hungry, eat, if you’re not hungry, don’t eat, if you want to wear, you have to wash or don’t wear… But we can on their own, so everyone has grown to the point where it makes many parents miserable like today. I still often joke with people that: “You don’t have to listen to me or listen to anyone, parents keep going upstream in the past, they have to do everything themselves, have to do it from a young age, have to learn and take responsibility for themselves, If you have to solve problems yourself with friends… then you will find that parenting doesn’t have to be too heavy, and parents can also be their own experts.” That is not to say that we do not learn more civilized and more modern methods from advanced countries. But obviously what parents need in their children in terms of character, personality, sense of responsibility, perseverance, overcoming difficulties, thinking… then it is what needs to be operated most often in daily life, isn’t it? there is no sublime. As long as parents and children accompany the experience seriously, the child will have it, without the pressure and headache of parents. But obviously what parents need in their children in terms of character, personality, sense of responsibility, perseverance, overcoming difficulties, thinking… then it is what needs to be operated most often in daily life, isn’t it? there is no sublime. As long as parents and children accompany the experience seriously, the child will have it, without the pressure and headache of parents. But obviously what parents need in their children in terms of character, personality, sense of responsibility, perseverance, overcoming difficulties, thinking… then it is what needs to be operated most often in daily life, isn’t it? there is no sublime. As long as parents and children accompany the experience seriously, the child will have it, without the pressure and headache of parents.
There is no denying that I am a very meticulous and straightforward person, so when I approach my children, I always feel “sad, very sad, but also helpless” when parents and children are always angry. forever fail to take advantage of the most simple, small but most necessary things in daily life to grow together more comfortably, more calmly…
A little tip, I’m a terrible person at writing. Because to tell the truth, I prefer to talk than to describe. But for many years now, many parents keep asking me “Do you have any books?”, “Why don’t you write books”, “Sister, write a book to share with everyone”… so I’m deceiving myself with my ability to write a little.
Yes! And this free project for the community or the book “The other side of love” is completely shared by me with the most honest thoughts, without any fantasies or caressing or trying to smooth the words; To only wish that when parents or children read, they will have the most ordinary sense of problems and the most natural development for their children. So, if you feel it’s very dry and difficult to receive right away, please understand, because I write and share with my own struggles and worries… and from the gaps to my father’s unconscious confusion. Mother and children have come to me is enough!